


Hold Tight

by lostinthesounds



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, F/M, Sad!Clarke, comforting!bellamy, mentions of Madi, no becho exists cause why, part 2 of another fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-08-28 10:43:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16721814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinthesounds/pseuds/lostinthesounds
Summary: “I can sleep by myself, I promise.”“Yeah? I don’t believe you.” He says, a light smirk on his face. She doesn’t say anything when he moves away, but Clarke already misses him so close.“Watch me, Blake.” She teases, sticking out her tongue slightly. It’s the first time she’s felt any joy that day, and the feeling of comfort takes over her entire being. This is what home felt like.





	Hold Tight

**Author's Note:**

> After some consideration and personal love for one of the previous fics I’ve written, I wanted to write a second part to my angsty bellarke fic where Madi dies during 5x12.  
> (The original fic :  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/15458778 )  
> Also...reading the original fic isn’t needed to read this one, but go ahead if you’d like! It would probably make more sense!! 
> 
> But finally, here this baby is. Hope you guys enjoy some well needed fluff.

The air around her felt cold. A brisk breeze that didn’t seem to settle.

Clarke wrapped the blanket tighter around herself but she couldn’t manage to feel any warmth radiate through her body. She should feel relieved, the war was done and over. 

Most members of Eligius were dead including the man she despised the most being McCreary. She can’t lie and say she would miss his spine chilling smirk, or the way he eyes would always find Clarke’s. Because she most certainly doesn’t. She had the pleasure of smashing his head into the floor, and it gave her temporary relief from the pain her heart was feeling. 

That kill was for a reason, for the purpose of letting go _some_ of the grief. 

It was for Madi. 

Madi, the same little girl that Clarke helped raise for six years, the same little girl that Clarke loved with her entire heart. She was so young, so full of life and memories that were involuntary handed to her. 

She’s dead now. She was in a grave, cold yet cleaned up. But still _cold_ , because she’s dead. 

Clarke tried to stop the sobs coming from the back of her threat, she tried her hardest to stop crying.

Everything hurt. 

Her eyes would close into a painful scene of darkness, it would burn to keep closed and to open again. Madi is gone, and she’s not here in bed with Clarke. 

Clarke slept on the right side, and Madi would lie down on the left side. It was such a nice sight as a caregiver, to see the little girl clutch the pillow and inch herself closer to Clarke so they’d be close enough to know the other was there. 

They only had eachother. 

For six years; two thousand one hundred and ninety nine days. 

Clarke couldn’t risk letting other people know she was still crying, thankful for her mother who let her sleep alone and leave the Eligius equipment stranded for the night. There was still people occupying the make-shift tents within a five foot radius next to her. 

She was scared of them hearing how broken she is.

(That’s how loud her cries were.) 

Clarke shifted so that her head was muffled by the pillow. It was an attempt to get her tears to land somewhere else rather than pool at the collar of her shirt.

All of her sense were so disoriented, that she didn’t initially hear someone walk in. 

She doesn’t bother moving. 

“Clarke? Are you-“ 

She knows that deep voice anywhere. It was able to calm her down in other situations, because it was soothing and concerned. 

Clarke hiccups, it was like she was gasping for air. Her fingers grasp at the sheets, trying to find someone to hold onto. 

Her head nuzzled back into the pillow as she hoped Bellamy would leave, let her cry her eyes out until she had no more tears left to cry. 

“Clarke, _hey_.” 

She might’ve been too numb to anything around her that Clarke didn’t notice the bed dip with added weight. She didn’t notice Bellamy get into her bed. 

“Wha—“ Clarke’s head pops up, her hair a mess of frizz and tear stains down her cheeks. 

She didn’t want anyone to comfort her, that was the last thing she thought she wanted. But she saw Bellamy’s shoulders tense, how his eyes were dropping with exhaustion. He had woke up from his well deserved sleep, like he had a third sense when it came to Clarke and her sorrow. 

Bellamy reaches and pulls Clarke close to his body, wanting to feel her heart beat to remind him that she wasn’t dead. That she didn’t die too. 

He tangles his legs with her’s, wrapping an arm around her waist, feeling the warmth of her skin. “I’m gonna hold you, that’s okay right?” 

Clarke still won’t answer him, the words were caught in her throat. She could feel him so close, feel how much he truly cares. She can tell how hard he’s thinking about what to say to her, his lips are parted with words that won’t come out. 

They’re in the same boat in terms of thoughts, but Clarke feels like she’s drowning. She feels helpless, and when she does take a leap and blink, it’s like her arms are flailing to keep her afloat. 

She’d much rather handle the pain. 

If he was being honest, it was an eternity of silence. Clarke was stiff in his hold and he knows she wasn’t okay. All that he could offer was his presence and his heart. Bellamy hated seeing her like this. 

He hated seeing her so broken, so damaged in inner destruction. 

That’s not _his_ Clarke, the girl he knows could overcome anything. He surely understands that she needs time, and he himself doesn’t know if she’ll ever be over the death of her little one, but he’s gonna be by her side everyday. That’s his promise to her. 

Bellamy feels Clarke inch closer to him and he only knows this cause the bed creeks. “She used to lay with me like this.” 

His breath catches in his throat when she sighs into his chest. Her head was nuzzled into him, like it was all she would need to get better. Like, he was the one person she’d ever need _period_. 

“Now I get to hold you like this.” 

Bellamy has a smile on his face, but it’s barely there. 

She’s quiet when he really wants her to show any type of emotion, but gets him off guard. “Madi’s gone, and I’m alone.”

“What did I say earlier?” He whispers.

Clarke peers her head up, but Bellamy only saw the way her eyes shined in the minimum light in the room. She sniffles but speaks. “Remind me?” 

Bellamy’s arm reaches behind his head as it rests to hold him up. He didn’t have to hold _himself_ back anymore. 

“I told you that I’d always be here for you, and that you’re never alone when I’m with you.” His eyes lock with her blue ones, and he really couldn’t help himself as his hand cups the side of her face and wipes her tears with his thumb. 

Clarke is so _fucking_ soft, and it makes his heart wanna explode. She leans into his hand, letting him know that she appreciates him so much. Which she does. 

“She was the only thing I had for a long time, but calling you on the radio—“ She takes a deep breath, looking away from him. “—you helped me survive.” 

Bellamy’s speechless, _Oh god how much I wanted you. You have no idea how much I want you still_. 

He thinks the distraction is needed to talk about him and the radio calls, so he lets his head fall onto the pillow. 

Bellamy huffs as he gets comfortable in his new position. “What did you used to talk to me about? You know, on the radio?” 

“A lot of things, really. Most of them were random.” Bellamy pretends not see the red flush of her cheeks when she nuzzles back into his side. 

He urges, “Come on, that means there’s a few stories you can tell me.” 

Clarke’s mouth twitches into a small smile, and that’s enough to make Bellamy feel like he made the right decision in checking up on her. After he had left her to get back to the others on the battle field, Clarke was all he could think about. Her bravery could’ve fooled anyone who didn’t know her, Bellamy hoped she knew it was alright to be the way she truly was with him. 

Clarke liked being held by Bellamy, she really always has. His arms were strong and his hugs were reassuring, and would always make her feel better. It was like the world would align again, and make the most sense when they’re together. 

It’s the only reason she says, “ _Fine_ , but what do you wanna hear? You have six years of memories to pick from me.” 

Bellamy’s sole purpose of this was to distract Clarke from Madi, but he knows that’s not possible. But he really wants to know more about Madi, especially since she meant to much to Clarke. 

His left hand interlocks with her’s and he plays with her fingers, and he has the courage to ask. 

“Tell me about _her_ , please.” 

He almost convinces himself in the few seconds that followed, that it would help Clarke grieve and he hopes she can understand that when he sees that her lips start to quiver. 

She’s with him, she won’t be alone.

Clarke nods hesitantly, with tears in her eyes. “Yeah, okay.” She pauses and looks directly at their hands at her side. She reminds herself that Bellamy’s there as her support. “I have a story, but I have to ask you something first.”

”Of course.” Bellamy says quickly, a look of determination on his face. His grip on her hand a bit tighter than before. 

She can’t look at him, and she tries to look anywhere else. Anywhere else where she won’t see his reaction. “Will you leave after I tell you?” 

(She thinks back to what she’s about to tell him, the newfound taste of grapes seem to erupt on her tongue again, the sweetness wasn’t caused by the fruit but the feeling she remembered when she said Bellamy’s name.) 

He’s confused, as he was when it came to Clarke’s demands. But, he agrees anyways because the story can’t be as bad as he was thinking. It’s not like the stories of the past won’t make him wanna keep her close for their entire lives, or argue with her for the second time that day when all he wants is her, all he _wanted_ was Clarke for six years. 

She opens her mouth to speak, only after shutting her eyes to feel everything in her heart want to burn her alive and opening them again to feel it flutter with the way Bellamy’s gaze was so endearing and how it never left. 

He never left her mentally, but it made the physical contact in that moment feel like such a daze. 

* * *

_Her legs were aching, so she found it reasonable to take a break from wandering around the village in the woods. After two hours of searching for food, and her clothes sticking to her because of the agonizing heat, she had gathered half a bag full of berries._

_From what she remembered before, to the Earth’s routine of growing fruit, and even from her Earth Skills classes on the Ark, fruit only grew in the spring._

_Being that the Earth had burned, it was easier for the plants to grow. Clarke had only been alone for two weeks, in her eyes it had felt like much much longer but still, it was only fourteen days. She was grateful for the food supply being so large. Her usual morning trip would be to the waterfall with a old bucket she had found in her house, (yes she had a whole house to herself.) and water the plants._

_Clarke sat down at the head of the table setting her bag next to her, and opened the flap. There might not be a variety of animals, or any animals at all, but her bag was filled with grapes._

_She had learned about them in her classes, so glad to know what they still looked like. Clarke grabs the radio handle and tilts the antenna, just like she had done the day before._

_“Hey Bellamy, it’s Clarke.” She says simply, popping a grape in her mouth._

_The juice explodes in her mouth, and she giggles. “Grapes are tasty, just thought I’d tell you.”_

_For a moment, she thinks that he’ll reply to her. She thinks that he would chuckle so hard that his chest would cave._

_She feels the hollow in her own chest again, knowing he can’t. He can’t hear her talk._

_“How are you? How are the others? I hope you haven’t gone crazy yet. Although you have six other people to talk to and I have nobody, but it must be hard leading all of th—“_

_Clarke stops her rambling, it’s nonsense and quite childish. She changes the topic with another grape popped into her mouth._

_“It’s been two weeks.”_

_A pause._

_“I miss you, so much.”_

_Clarke sighs and presses the radio button harder.  “I hope you’re okay, I hope you aren’t floating in space. You deserve to live. I want you to know I’m alive.”_

_She didn’t want to even think about Bellamy dying, but he probably thought she was dead too. They were even._

_Clarke doesn’t reach into her bag again but continues talking. “God, this would’ve been so much easier if I knew you were alive...I-If I knew I was gonna see you again. I’m so proud of you Bellamy.”_

_She’s smiling, thinking of the endless possibilities of him being happy. She gets interrupted with a stick being thrown at her feet. Clarke jumps in her seat and looks around, her eyes landing on a shadow of a little girl._

_What the hell, who the hell is that?_

_Her hair was wild, half of it covering her face entirely. It looked like a mop on her head, and she was initially scared._

_Was she a grounder? Did she escape the bunker? Was her mom and Octavia okay?_

_“Who are you?” Clarke yells. The little girl doesn’t say anything, but runs away._

” _Hey!”  She yells out again, but this time she’s out of her chair and running after her. ”I’m not gonna hurt you, I promise.”_

* * *

 

“—I promised not to hurt her, and I kept it. I just can’t help but feel like I was the one that let her go and fight, and she died today.” 

Bellamy was letting her clutch onto his arms, holding herself up. He didn’t speak the entire story, his mind racing with how much Clarke relied on him. He was her person. 

“You did nothing wrong, you let her do what she wanted to do.” Bellamy explains, his voice low. 

Clarke’s hand loosens from his hold and they both forgot how long they’d been held together, but it didn’t matter. She pulls away and puts her head in both hands and her breathing is heavy. 

Bellamy knows she’s trying not to cry again. She was so strong, she had to see that. 

He sits up in the bed, taking Clarke with him. It was easier to hold her like this, but once again, she didn’t want to give him a glance. Bellamy felt her relax though, so that was a good sign. 

“Are the others okay?” Clarke’s voice cracks mid-sentence. 

Bellamy nods, “Yeah they’re fine. I know Monty and Harper had left a few hours ago to help find a suitable place to grow food near the bunker. Until we get the village under control, everyone else had to go back.” 

“That’s good, I’m so happy we won this war Bellamy. How do you feel?” 

Bellamy knows she’s trying to avoid her feelings, avoiding his constant encouragement that she’s better than she thinks she is. “Don’t change the subject, I need you to know that Madi’s death wasn’t your fault.” 

Clarke looks at him for a long time with narrowed eyes because she wants to believe it. “Someday, Bellamy. I’ll believe it later.” 

She still can’t wrap her mind around being in Bellamy’s arms, and it hits her that there’s no other place she’d rather be right now than in his arms. She’s going to miss Madi for a long time, but she can’t ruin her relationship with the other important person in her life because of her loss.

She assures him after some time, “I’ll be okay.” 

He nods slowly, taking her in again. Her arms sling across his chest and he wishes he could do so much more. He wants to rid her of every bad thing in her life, everything she witnessed today. 

The war, bloodshed, red, and Madi. 

He wants all of her pain gone. 

Bellamy licks his lips, “Thank you for telling me the story, and if it makes you feel better—“ he could feel his eyes suddenly well up with tears. “I think it’s more my fault than it ever was your’s.”

”It’s not.” Clarke immediately says as she jumps up. Bellamy had no intention to hurt her, and she only let Madi on because of him. “Bellamy, it’s not your fault either.” 

Bellamy shakes his head, “How can you tell me that? I was the one who put the chip in her he—“ 

“I only let her go with Echo because I wanted her to save you, and I thought that you hated me.” Clarke admits, her hands were shaking as they moved to cup his face. Her eyes were glossy, but it was all focused on him. 

She repeats softly, her gaze scattered around his face which turns frantic and shocked. “You did what?” 

He’s just as surprised as he was when she told him about the radio calls. They had been so angry at eachother then, wanting nothing to do with what the other can provide. He was angry at her for leaving him at Polis, how he could not be? She was the girl he loved, and she leaves him to protect another person who he knew nothing of. 

The anger is gone, it vanished into thin air as soon as Clarke brushes her thumb across his cheek. He never really stopped loving her. 

“I sent Madi to save you, because I couldn’t lose you.” 

Bellamy doesn’t speak, his breathing is irregular as he doesn’t know what exactly to say. His hands are moving, he has no control as to why or how Clarke is getting closer to him. 

He lets her hold him, feeling so comfortable being so admired. “None of this is on you, or me. It’s gonna hurt for a long time, but I’m here.” 

Time seems to stop for that moment to be shared, Clarke could feel Bellamy’s hot breath tickling her nose, and his brown eyes are drowning in her. He’s the one drowning in her eyes, and it’s a lot to handle. 

“I know, Bellamy. How could I not know that?” She questions, wanting to look away because her heart is beating so fast but Bellamy’s reflex is just as quick. 

His pointer finger and thumb are tilting her chin to look at him again, “You mean so much to me. You’re my family Clarke, I need you to know that too.” 

The hand that Clarke has around his chest clutches onto his shirt, afraid to speak because if she does, she’ll press her lips against his. She can’t hold back much longer, when it seems like he already let go of his troubles. 

“I don’t know what to say, what are you doing?” Clarke shrugs, she’s curious to see if he’s actually going to do _it_. “Didn’t I ask you to leave? You promised me that, Bellamy.” 

He scoots closer, invading her personal space even more than before. “Didn’t you also tell me that promises are sometimes made to be broken?” 

Clarke’s breath hitches in her throat as she realizes they were breathing the same air, their noses were touching. 

“I don’t wanna leave you.” 

She could feel the warmth from his face and she knows that he’s blushing. Her eyes watch over his entire face, noticing the tanned skin change to a tint of red. 

“I can sleep by myself, I promise.” 

“Yeah? I don’t believe you.” He says, a light smirk on his face. She doesn’t say anything when he moves away, but Clarke already misses him so close. 

“Watch me, Blake.” She teases, sticking out her tongue slightly. It’s the first time she’s felt any joy that day, and the feeling of comfort takes over her entire being. This is what home felt like. 

She lays back down, her head hits the pillow with the sound of a smack. Her eyes close instantly, to prove a point to the stubborn yet amazing guy next to her. Her lips couldn’t help but keep it’s grin, because he hadn’t left yet. Bellamy didn’t leave. 

 

“ _Clarke?_ ” 

 

She almost has enough time to perk her head up and open her eyes in question, but another pair of lips meet her’s and it’s like the world stops spinning. 

The words get caught in her throat when she feels the way Bellamy’s mouth moves on her’s, his soft lips and trembling fingers frame the side of her face. He’s nervous, but he’s still kissing her. 

 _Bellamy was kissing her, after all these years._  Clarke couldn’t believe it. 

His opposite hand cradles the back of her neck, leading her back into the pillow she had dramatically laid down on before. 

Clarke’s hands hold onto his shoulders to try and stop the shaking, it took them this long. He did it. Bellamy made the first move, and he _liked_ what she was doing in return. He melts into her, a hand creeping down to hold her waist. 

 

It wasn’t fast-paced, or filled with pity and sorrow. The way that Bellamy was kissing her, it was unexpected, slow and something she _needed_ to understand. 

 

She swears that he heard a noise come from his mouth, swore it sounded low and relieved. Although, she couldn’t understand that part, her mind was a blur. 

 

Bellamy pulls away slowly, fighting himself to peck her lips one last time before he realizes what he had just done. 

 

“I couldn’t, I-I can’t wait anymore.” 

 

Clarke is sure that her eyes are filled with stars, with the way his gaze is so engrossed with her’s. He hasn’t moved. 

 

“Wait for what? To kiss me?” 

 

“Yeah, that.” He sounded like a innocent teenager, (It wasn’t his fault, he was _one_ when he first fell in love with Clarke.” 

 

“Don’t be sorry, please.” She suddenly gets worried, taking her hands off of his body. “I don’t want that to be a mistake.” 

 

“I’m not sorry, Clarke, I’ll never be sorry for doing that. It’s just...” He clarifies and looks away. “I don’t want you to like what I did, just because of Madi being gone.” 

 

Clarke’s eyes well up with tears, both because of Madi and how he thinks that she wouldn’t ever feel the same way. 

 

The two of them, they may argue and get mad at eachother for mindless things but she never stopped loving him. That was the part that never changed. 

 

“I’ve always cared for you Bellamy, I never stopped no matter how bad things got for us.” Both of her hands smooth out the wrinkles in the fabric around his shoulder blades, making him tense and now, she’s _his_. “—With Madi gone, I know I won’t be alone because I have you, and that’s all I need after today.” 

 

Bellamy is dying to hear her say the words, he knows she can. “Good, I’m not going anywhere.” 

 

Clarke takes a deep breath, smiling when it brushes the hair on Bellamy’s forehead backwards. He lets out a chuckle, his eyes shut. 

 

“I’m in love with you, Bellamy.” 

 

His eyes open slowly, taking everything into consideration. Bellamy can’t stop the  wide grin on his face, his cheeks hurt. 

 

In awe, he tries to reply as best he could with his emotions so high. “Really?” 

 

“Stop acting like a fool, _of course_ I do unless you don’t feel the same cause then....I’ll take it back.” Clarke jokes, pulling him close so that their noses are touching again. 

 

“Clarke, you really—“ He whispers. 

 

“Yes I do, I love you.” She answers sharply, pressing their lips together. 

 

Clarke tries to think of a word to describe the events of her day, from the heartache she still feels, piercing into her soul with the motive to fill her with longing pain, to the love she feels in her heart everytime she thinks of Bellamy. 

 

To, the way he smiles into his kisses like it’s a place he never wants to leave. 

 

From, the way Bellamy finds Clarke’s body shaking with an emotional purge of tears, later that night because Madi isn’t there. 

 

The realization of loss isn’t so defining as long as Bellamy was next to her, even with his soft and gentle kisses throughout the night, she finally figures out the word when she wakes up in his arms and kisses his forehead delicately. 

 

Bittersweet, that’s the word. 

**Author's Note:**

> to read the angst filled first part of this fic, search my username on ao3 or press the user you see when you pressed on this fic! 
> 
> the first part to this fic is titled “I’ll lay down my armor and put it on you” 
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed!


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